aurora4242 (aurora4242) wrote,

Death and reflection...

My wonderful parents and sister have been looking after me and keeping me fed while I hole up a bit at home in Manchester, still working within myself at beginning to process the impact of Brian's loss as the shock makes way for disbelief and the whole gamut run of emotions.

I look around at my things in this room, and so many of them came from Buried Under, starting when I was about 12 years old and obsessed with EC horror comics from the 50's. I spent so much wonderful time there as an employee and afterwards just hanging out, always stopping in whenever I was in town even after I had moved out of the area. I kept all my subscriptions there even when I lived in California, having books mailed out to me, just because I couldn't bear the thought of getting my monthly issue of Wonder Woman from anyone else.

As a close friend, I remember so many long conversations late at night, parties he came to, the deep connection we shared.. all the times he held me close if I was upset, offering a broad shoulder to cry on, and positive words of encouragement that always left me feeling better.

Sometimes we don't realize the impact that our beloveds have on our lives until their sudden absence shocks us to utter stillness, and then we notice this cavernous space in our world, bereft of presence, and that impact becomes crystal clear. The past 24 hours have been filled with these realizations for me.. just how much I loved this man and everything he did for me and so many of my friends, lovers and beloveds. So many friendships and relationships formed and played out in my life around the store's gathering point. It's all just enormous right now.

Thank you so much for all the kind words and support, I really appreciate it.

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